Saturday, November 15, 2008

Step Aside BFF's

Because there's a new e-BFF in town. Sorry MMRJ - you ladies have been replaced (mostly cuz you're all burnettes and that makes my heart hurt). A chika of mine from work introduced me to Tiffany/Amber/Megan/Nicole and we've been attached at the hip ever since - well digitally, anyway. She lives the most perfect life and she's so pretty and so super fun. I've done nothing but read her blog since she added me as a friend on Facebook. She also gives the best advice ever to old maids like myself. I knew I was doing something wrong but I never really understood what it was. Turns out that not only am I TOOOO educated but I also don't wear enough mascara! I mean, who knew that a simple layer of mascara and dumbing it down a little bit is all that has been standing in the way of me and my eternal companion? OMG! For the rest of you old maids out there that are in some desperate need of some guidence and direction please refere to TAMNers blog post on the subject.

And while you're reading I'm heading off to my craft room to add some words to the butt of my sweatpants (I'm thinking maybe I <3 JJWT) then I'm going to go shave my arms. Busy, busy, busy. I'm so uber busy and I've got tons of errands to run. Remember ladies, "It's not a lie if it catches the guy."

Repeat thrice.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


My minor in college was literature and with that I was required to take multiple creative writing classes - my writing style of choice was poetry because I could get my point across in a matter of a few stanzas rather than pages and pages of paragraphs that ultimately summed up to nothing. So with pen in hand I spent a lot of time for a lot of years jotting down everything I could about every happiness and every heartache I experienced or witnessed. And I jotted it everywhere - notebooks, napkins, candy wrappers, and even more than one wall.

This evening I was thinking about how much I used to enjoy that part of my life and started to wonder why I didn't write like that anymore (unless you consider all of the total crap I post on my blog to be creative writing) and in all honesty, it didn't take me very long to figure it out. I pulled out an old notebook of my writing (that's got multiple napkins and paper towels tucked into the pages, as well) and I realized that everything I wrote back then was about men, love, happiness, heartbreak, pain and sorrow. And since I swore off all men a couple of years ago I haven't had any of that to write about. So rather than post some exciting and heart wrenching new prose that I've penned, I'm totally going to recycle and give you a glimpse into my past and maybe you'll understand my "man ban" a little better . . . (and be prepared for more of this in the future because I'm sure this won't be the last time that I'm desperate for something to post and decided to steal from my past)

I looked at her
she looked at me
eyes full of wonder
and childish glee
where did she go?
where could she be?
that curious reflection
staring back at me

I'm losing my mind
I can't force a smile
Lock the doors
Lie down inside
Pretend the hurt's not there
If people can't ask
I don't have to say
I've made a mistake
And pushed you away

I know
I loved your witty sense of humor
until you used it to cut me down
I loved the way you held me at night
until you smothered me in sleep
I loved the sparkle in your eyes
until it turned to anger
I guess you could say
I loved everything about you
until I knew the you you hide

Feelings of Love
Love is that dizzy feeling.
Love is the butterflies in your stomach.
Love is that passionate fever.
Love is an accelerated heartbeat.
Love is the need to hold on.
Love is the desire to let go.
Ironically, motion sickness,
feels a lot like love.

true story
"She broke it off," he told me.
She cried to him that she felt used.
Said he didn't spend enough time with her.
He shrugged sadly, admitting she walked away.

"You want to know where you went wrong?
Is that why you're coming to me?"
He sighed, again, and said, "She felt used."
I smiled, and told him what I know.

"There are two types of people," I said,
"In these 'using' relationships."
I informed him, rather bluntly,
"You can't use anyone without their permission."

"There are those who want to be used,
and those who are using you in return."
"Which of those are you?" he quizzed.
I smiled, contently, and took another bite
- of my free lunch.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Guilty Pleasures

I've said it before and I'll be the first to say it again - I'm a loser with no life. And I think the worst part about that is the fact that I just don't really care. I'm perfectly fine with being a loser. I'm totally good with coming home from work nearly every evening, taking my dog for a walk, hitting the gym and curling up with a book (or more likely, the remote control). And with that . . . I've got absolutely nothing interesting to tell anyone on my blog. So I thought I'd pull a cop-out and make another list - it's easy and I don't have to try too hard to be creative. So here goes with my top ten list of guilty pleasures:

1. Shoes - I HATE wearing shoes but I LOVE buying them and I really LOVE how good shoes look. Nothing can make you feel as good as a new pair of shoes that you know look hot. I've got red ones, green ones, strappy ones, purple ones, blue ones, knee high boots, black ones, ankle boots, gray, brown, turquoise, white, cream, orange . . . I could go on but I'm sure you're bored right about now.

2. Dark Chocolate - Ask anyone who has ever met me. Dark chocolate is a staple part of my diet and I think I'd give up air first . .

3. Books - I have shelves and shelves of books. It's a virtual library in my house. I go through cycles. For about three months I'll do nothing but read during every spare moment and then I'll go for six weeks without even realizing I'm still in the middle of one I started clear back when. However, no matter where I am in my reading cycle, it NEVER stops me from buying them. One day I'll blow the dust off my library card and try using that instead but for some reason it just doesn't have the same appeal as owning what I read.

4. The Disney Channel - I get so sick of some of the crap that's on the rest of the channels that I often turn on Disney for background noise or if there's nothing else on. And in the interest of full disclosure, I think I've seen EVERY episode of Hannah Montana (including the season premier that was on this evening). Yup, I'm a loser but my 10 year-old niece thinks I'm freakin' awesome because I catch on when she quotes the show.

5. Food - I'm not so much of a food eater as I am a food buyer. (I'm noticing a lot of my guilty pleasures involve me buying things. But I guess that's what makes them guilty.) I've had canned food go bad, for heaven's sake. And that takes YEARS. If it's on sale and I'm craving it, I buy it. But rarely do I ever eat it. It's more of a comfort thing than anything else and it makes me feel better to know that it's there.

6. Milk - Whether it's chocolate milk or just plain old white milk I LOVE it. Milk is the first thing I have every morning and usually the last thing I have in the evening. There's no better feeling than the first gulp of cold milk in the morning and honestly I easily drink three gallons a week. But a big old PS on that - I HATE cheese.

7. Music - It doesn't matter if it's a live concert of if it's on my iPod while I'm on the elliptical I love music. I know I've mentioned this before (although now the number is higher) but I've got 11.8 days worth of music on my laptop alone. Plus probably another 8 or 9 days worth on my iMac, and then there's my computer at work . . Plus probably over 150 CD's that are in cases around my house and car that haven't been uploaded to my computer yet. Music helps me escape reality and I love it.

8. Nail Polish - I rarely ever paint my finger nails but it's even more rare to see me without my toe nails painted. And even though I've probably got 50+ bottles in a rainbow of colors (probably more colors than my shoes) most likely my toes will be some shade of red or deep purple.

9. Solitaire - I know it's stupid and it only drives the point home that I'm a loser with no life (I mean really, whose favorite game is one that can only be played alone?), but it doesn't matter if I'm watching TV or balancing my checkbook - if I've got my computer in front of me there's a 98.7% chance that I've got a game of solitaire going on in the background. I get really annoyed when I'm waiting for things to load so I play games to pass the time. Problem is, I get distracted by the games and then whatever task I was trying to accomplish takes me twice as long.

10. People Watching - It doesn't matter where I am - the mall, the grocery store, church or sitting at a traffic light - I always watch the people around me. I make up stories about what they're doing or why they're there or what they do for a living and how that guy is that they're with. I live vicariously through strangers. And I see EVERYTHING. If you've ever done anything embarrassing in front of me, I can guarantee that I saw it but I totally lied so that you wouldn't feel stupid. If you tripped up the stairs or dribble water down your shirt, I'll tell you I didn't notice . . but don't believe me. Because I absolutely saw it and I'm just a good liar.

So there you have it - call it guilty or call it a pleasure but either way, those are the things I enjoy the most.
All of the true things that I am about to tell you are shameless lies.
- Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.