Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Who would have thought . .

. . that I'd LONG for the day when guys tried to ask me out via text message. Okay, let's be honest, I'm not much of a dater anymore and no one tries to ask me out by text or any other way for the most part. But is has happened to many friends of mine - one specifically (you know who you are - and now everyone else does too. PS Congrats on the impending nuptials and may he NEVER plan a date night via text).

Here's what happened (Tony Shalhoub and Jim Parsons were ROBBED): Melissa and I were preparing for the season premier of The Big Bang Theory and as part of that, I took Chuck for a quick walk to get out some of his energy before our guests (who am I kidding - guest, singular) arrived. Since it was just going to be a walk I just threw on some old sneakers and a hoodie over my tshirt (so that passerbys couldn't tell I wasn't wearing a bra) and went on my way.

Half way around the block I passed by the home of a family in my ward. I'd seen them arriving late many a time and hiding out in the overflow along with me and most of the other young families, but never paid them much mind - other than to notice that their middle kid has a SERIOUS case of middle-child-syndrome. Oh, and they have a son that has just recently gone on a mission.

Anyway, as I was passing by the house the father (whom I think is in the EQ Presidency - but I don't know why I think that . . carrying a binder, maybe?) was out grabbing the mail. He stopped me - but not Chuck who continued to run circles around my feet trying to get at their cat - and introduced himself. He said, "You're in our ward, right? I've seen you in the back. Are you seeing anyone?" Now I'm annoyed. I'm not going out with his single brother/cousin/coworker just because we're both single. That doesn't mean we've got anything in common. Come on single readers, help me out. How annoying is that?!?

I was paying more attention to Chuck than the conversation because I didn't really care about his matchmaking skills and failed to censor myself appropriately. "Do you want to go out sometime?" And looking back in it now, I probably shouldn't have scoffed and said, "NO!" It took me a second to realize what had just happened. He didn't say he wanted to set me up. He actually asked me out. "I've seen you at church and you're really pretty . . . (stammer, stammer, stammer)" What the hell?!? I thought he was married? Who are the kids? Who was the woman he was with at church? Is the kid on the mission that he gave a talk about just two weeks ago his? And of course, in light of the next paragraph, how am I supposed to answer his question?

Oh crap, oh crap oh crap is running circles through my head. You see, not even a week ago, Melissa and I had gone for a walk with Chuck the Wonder Dog and passed by his house just as he was getting home. I said to her (because he was watching us), "He's in my ward. I think he's in the EQ Pres so I'm sure he's a really nice guy, but I've got to tell you the truth. He really gives me the creeps. He's always staring at me. I'm sure he's just doing his duties and wondering if I've got a Home Teacher or whatever, but still . . it's awkward." My bad. I felt so horrible, that I considered calling/texting him to apologize for being so snotty, but I really don't want to encourage anything. If those are indeed his kids, there are FIVE of them! And what happened to the woman? Buried in the back yard? Wrapped up in a rug in the landfill? Vacationing in Mexico with girlfriends? His sister?

"Sorry, you really caught me off guard." I stammer as Chuck tries - almost successfully - again to reach their orange cat that is now cowering by the basketball hoop. He then handed me his card and told me to call him and we'd go out (or not). Then trying to be the gentleman he said that he's had a lot of experience training dogs and could help me with mine (as Chuck peed in their bushes) and if I'd like, he'd walk me home. Hhhmm . . no. But I do think I hurt his feelings and I really do feel bad about that and I'm not sure what to do with it.

So what now? Thoughts? Advice? I think it wouldn't be so weird if there were a ton more single people in the ward that I could just blend into . . but as far as I can tell, I'm the only one there under the age of 40. Seriously, I'm dying here. Tell me what to do, oh mighty blog stalkers.

Too much information you say? Suck it up and tell me what to do. <3


Single 'N Sassy said...

That is way better than the soccer ball story!

Penny said...

Give him a chance! One date won't hurt. But seriously, find out about the girl and kids first!

Megan said...

WTH?!?! More information is needed! What is his story? Married? Divorced? Widowered? (is that a word)
Plus, your gut feeling was that he creeped you out. Was that because you thought he was married and checking you out? Or because he's creepy? There's a big difference here.
Please elaborate!

MJ said...

I agree with Penny. And also, call Jessica and see what she has to say about him. At least you can't say that you haven't been asked out in months anymore :)

All of the true things that I am about to tell you are shameless lies.
- Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.