Thursday, October 9, 2008

Being Shallow Makes for a Very Dull World

In recent weeks I've been reading the many blog posts of my best friends and experiencing with them the things they care about and love the most in their lives. They talk about their families, their children, their pets and their hobbies. They ponder their motives, their faith, their goals and their futures. And by reading about their lives I'm noticing a few things about my own. And two of the most poignant things I've discovered is that I live a very shallow and boring life. I've kept everything up to this point - on the surface. I've never posted anything about anything that actually mattered. There's never been anything meaningful or insightful or even really that thoughtful on my blog or even in any of my recent conversations for that matter. I'm random, off the wall and, well . . . shallow. Other people share with me and I listen and tell them what I think about the situation but rarely do I share anything with them unless it's just a silly punchline or the latest story about something stupid I did.

It's not that I don't think the "deep thoughts" or over-analyze things when I'm not making jokes. It's more like I'd rather just keep everything at arms length as long as other people are involved. If I don't put myself out there and go to activities or date or even just hang out with friends then I don't ever have to worry about getting hurt. Don't get me wrong, I have my closest friends and those few people probably know me better than anyone. And while I've opened up to each of them individually on separate occasions, I've found that it's become more and more rare.

I don't think I've always been this way. . . well, not totally. I have always been guarded and I've ALWAYS hated talking about myself but not usually with those that matter most. I guess with broken hearts and broken promises comes strong and thick walls. So that being said I think I may just try to let some people in. Now don't get too excited. (MJ, I can see you doing your happy dance and I want you to tone it down a little bit) I still don't want to be set up on dates. I'm not going to suddenly change my mind and try internet dating. I'm not going to make friends with people in the grocery store and I'm not going to get close to my visiting teacher. I'm not going to start going to ward activities (they're so totally lame) and I'm still not a fan of being tagged via blog and forced to make lists about me and only me because as I've said, I find my life boring and I don't have much of a one to talk about. But in an effort to become closer to those people that matter most I've decided to start using my blog to let them get into my mind a little more (as scary as that may be to some of you).

And, I've decided to start with this new goal tonight. So here goes. A couple of nights ago I was out with my Yaya's and we were discussing the whole personality color thing and what everyone leans toward and what catagory they fit into. MJ and MS both insisted that I was a blue. Meaning that I allow my life to be run by my emotions. Without knowing anything about the colors or what they stood for I disagreed. And as usual, I thought (and did not say) that I felt that while I had emotional reactions to everything, (I am female, after all) I believe I am pretty good at compartmentalizing and not taking the emotions of one situation and infusing them into another. i.e. I don't let family stress dictate what's happening at work and I don't let work stuff change what's going on in my personal realtionships.

So in this quest for self acutulization, if you will, I searched out this test online just to see if anyone really knows the "real me". And I've discovered that I am not the only one still looking for myself. According to the Color Code, here is my personality:

36% White: (Motive: PEACE)—These are the peacekeepers. Peace, or the absence of conflict, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of clarity and tolerance and are generally kind, adaptable, good-listeners.

28% Yellow: (Motive: Fun)—These are the fun lovers. Fun, or the joy of doing something just for the sake of doing it, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of enthusiasm and optimism and are generally charismatic, spontaneous, and sociable.

20% Blue: (Motive: INTIMACY)—These are the do-gooders. Intimacy, connecting, creating quality relationships and having purpose is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of quality and service and are generally loyal, sincere, and thoughtful.

16% Red: (Motive: POWER)—These are the power wielders. Power, the ability to move from point A to point B, and get things done is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of vision and leadership and generally are responsible, decisive, proactive and assertive.

Honestly, after reading these descriptions and seeing my percentages - I feel even more confused about who I am and what motivates me. Maybe one day, with the help of my friends, I'll get it all figured out.


Maria said...

My beautiful, wonderful, inspiring, and guarded friend, Janis. Thank you for opening up a little. Although I think I knew a lot of those things about you - in fact, I am sure we have discussed some of those things before.
I never would have guessed that you were the peacemaker. But now that I think of it - it makes perfect sense given your background and place in your family. Don't be more confused about yourself because of this personality test. This just proves something that I've always known about you - you can wear many hats. You can get things done and be who you need to be for the situation.
I don't think you're shallow either. You have always been so good at getting me to see things in a different light and to straighten me out when necessary. That, I believe, takes depth.
As for discovering yourself, you are, my dear, a year younger than me and may be behind me in a few things as a result. Late in my 32nd year is when I finally started to discover who I really am. So, girl, you've still got time.
Thanks for being you! And thanks for being an awesome friend! I love you!

MJ said...


Janis, I hope you know that you are funny, quick witted, thoughtful, creative, patient, kind, honest, intelligent, driven, independent, intuitive, imaginative, loving, deep, entertaining, artistic, cheerful, synical, spiritual, logical, illogical, endearing, memorable... etc.

The color code is only a jumping off point. I think you are a wonderful balance of the colors, even the ones not on the code like green and purple. And...

Have I told you lately that I love you just the way you are? Well, I do. You don't have to do online dating or ward activities. Just be who you are!

I admire that you call yourself guarded. And I agree that you can be that way at times but I have had some of my most life changing moments when we have been deep in conversation.

You are my link to sanity. You help me see the world more clearly. I would say that is why I assumed you were blue because a blue is loyal. If you make a friend with a blue personality, she will be your friend for life. You have been my most loyal friend.

Maybe this is the blue in my personality coming out because that is how I feel about you. I think that we always have very meaningful conversations when we are together. You care so deeply about your family and friends. This makes you anything but shallow.

OK, you are great at making light of a stressful situation. That is what makes your blog so fun to read. I stand by my suggestion that you write a book about your life. The craziest things always happen to you and I think a lot of it has to do with your ability to notice the world around you.

That is also what makes your photos so beautiful. Your perspective is amazing and unique. You should post some of them on your blog. Or start a photo blog. But don't forget to add a watermark so people won't copy them. Sorry, I know I'm bossy. (red)

Hey, Cutie, now I will appeal to your analytical side. Did I include that in my list of your great traits? If not, it's one of my favorite things about you.

Anyway, if you want to study this color code thing more,I would suggest you read the book, The Color Code, by Taylor Hartman. It explains the colors really well. Don't you remember taking the test at UVSC? Back when we roomed with Shelley? I actually think I kept those test sheets. How funny would that be?

There are also books that explain things like love languages and birth order traits. I found them really helpful when I was trying to understand my own personality. I used to be really frustrated with myself because I seemed to deal with things logically in a get it done, kind of way and not in a sensitive, make me cry, kind of way. Ah well, at least I don't have to buy as many boxes of kleenex.

I admire you...
These are not in chronological order...

Moved away from home at 17
Breast Cancer Walk
Moving to NY for school
All those songs you have memorized
Your ability to raise that eyebrow
Home Owner
Coolest eyes ever seen on a girl

MJ said...

I told you it would be long!


I was red and yellow with a little blue and not much white. I looked at carriers for red people and what do you know Indian chief was listed. So maybe I will try that when I get out of the Navy.

All of the true things that I am about to tell you are shameless lies.
- Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.